Reality has its way of biting you on the ass when you least expect it. It has its sneaky way of catching you at your most off-guarded moment. Damn… it got me. And did it get me hard.
A lot of overwhelming changes have been happening in my life lately. I know that there are indeed a lot of things that I should be happy and thankful for… don’t get me wrong… I am delighted and grateful. It’s just that it all came too fast. Again, overwhelming.
I haven’t really been bad at coping with change. In fact, I think I know how to adjust pretty well. Somehow, over the years, I’ve learned how to manage changes that have been occurring. But then again, this is a totally unfamiliar ground for me. The others are nothing compared to this one. This is big… no… this is HUGE.
Why do I sound so unsure? I’m not actually hesitant about the decision I’ve made. I’m happy with that, without a doubt.
I just don’t want to screw up. I don’t want to make a mistake that I can’t undo or at least fix. I know… I know… I shouldn’t think about this too much. I should just be the forever optimist. But hey, I can’t help it. I’m human… I’ve the right to get intimidated too. I’ve the right to be petrified. I’ve the right to panic.
Shesssh… This better stop. I know for a fact that even if I rant on and on… It won’t change a thing. No matter how long this entry is, no matter how much time I spend on pondering on this fear that I have… things will remain as is.
So now, I leave it all up to him. It’s time to get down on my knees, close my eyes, swallow my pride and ask for help.
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
I'll Be Your Best Kept Secret... 
Posted on February 7, 2006
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