“Sometimes, it’s not your secret to tell…”

He said that it was the only way. So that’s why he did it. And the fact that I don’t have to do anything else, makes the most sense out of life…

I have this tendency to come up with grand ideas, and paint such bright pictures. I love constructing larger-than-life possibilities. Most of the time, my actions are influenced by these grand ideas. I get so excited by fantastic dreams and ideas that I tend to step out from reality. I lose myself in these things that without realizing it, I am already on a different planet.

So many times, I have built myself castles – such staggering “structures” of impressive magnitude. And when these castles come crashing down, I get so disappointed because I feel like my world has crashed along with the castles I’ve built. What I can’t seem to grasp is the fact that these castles were never meant to exist in the first place. I get so caught up in my reality that I totally forget that REALITY still exists.

My castles end up crashing because they were never supposed to be built in the first place. That’s the part that just tears at my heart…

I know I shouldn’t be reacting this way knowing that this person did a lot of things also to hurt me. I wish I could say that things were meant to happen, but I know deep inside that I still feel bad about the things that happened to him knowing that it was something important to his life…

I had a delayed reaction when a friend told me, since I am not aware about certain things already… I thought it didn’t matter anymore but I stopped and think of the times that he never left me and that he was always there for me…

I just hold still, knowing that it’s not the right time for us to talk yet and fix what is needed to be fixed. Time will heal all wounds, time will also teach both for us to forgive. Time will make us realize and time will make us understand.

Friendship and romance are two different things. I know I could still be a friend to him as he was to me. After everything that happened to us, I know it’s not ME…

So if it takes letting you go, I’ll do that. I will not pretend I’m not hurting, because I am. I’ll give you the space you need to figure out your priorities. I just want you to know that anytime you need me, I will move heaven and earth to be there for you.

I would rather leave now, while I can still remember how you made me laugh, how you held my hand… I want to keep the memories of the wonderful times we had. Ayokong hintayin na dumami ang regrets bago pa ako sumuko.

I will always hold on to the thought of you loving me. I have faith in you.

I know you are worth the risk.

Goodbye.

I know now that I no longer love you. The hatred and bitterness in my heart have definitely washed away whatever feelings I have for you. You had all the chances in the world but you never dared to take any. You never called it quits and you made a big fool out of me.

The rain has stopped. So has the beating of my heart for you. And I’m going to sleep now.

But despite the fatigue brought about by the last few days, I had fun. And I say that with a smile on my face —>

I might offset tomorrow. Depends on whether or not I’ve got stuff to do tomorrow. We’re entitled to offset some hours (or one whole day), depending on the number of hours spent doing overtime work. So I’m entitled to an entire day off. Actually more, but let’s not get technical here. I really hope I’ll be allowed to go on leave tomorrow!

And you?

You do nothing yet you have me…